she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
