Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
