thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
