Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
