You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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