if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
