Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
