If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
