hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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