After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
