sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
