I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So vagazzling was a success
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
