I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
