on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
