Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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