what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
