I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
