Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize