I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
