Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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