So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
