I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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