i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
