dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
