my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
whose parrot is this?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
