girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
