I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
