I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Randomize
