didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
