alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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