As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
