i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize