So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
