Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
