10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What a dumb baby whore.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
