Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
