i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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