me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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