I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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