He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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