Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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