"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
