Your dad touched me again.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
