have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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