I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize