there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
