She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize