I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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