I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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