Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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