ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
