What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
