and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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