u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
