She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize