You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My dick has a subreddit
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
