there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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