you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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