Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
