My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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