OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
