I wish I could teleport
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
