Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
