so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
