Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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