Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
