and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize