Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
