so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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