is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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