We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
