I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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