yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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