I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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