If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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