once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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