he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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