I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
