my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
