i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
