Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize