My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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