Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
