Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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