remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
