So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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