I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
