So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He passed out mid-signature
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
