It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize