i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
one two three fourrrrnication!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
