sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
