chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize