So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
