The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
