I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
