the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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