It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize