My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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