When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
