my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Randomize
