last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
