based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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