So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
