I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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