you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Everyone says I win the strip club
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
